


12 Ways to Make 2017 Your Best Year Ever

by Katie_Dub



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, CS January Joy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9149824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Dub/pseuds/Katie_Dub
Summary: Emma Swan isn't going to let a magazine dictate how she lives her life. But the challenges in this article sound fun and could be the start of something wonderful. Particularly when they lead her straight to Killian Jones.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Posted as part of the CS January Joy project on tumblr, find it @csjanuaryjoy

_12 Ways to Dramatically Improve Your Year: Monthly Challenges to Help You Embrace Life, Grow As A Person and Make 2017 Your Best Year Ever!_

Emma stares at the title of the article in the cheesy magazine. She is equal parts irritated and hopeful (and then annoyed at herself for feeling hopeful) at the ridiculous statement.

_As if a magazine is going to fix my life!_

She doesn’t want to read on, but then she's stuck waiting to see the dentist and really has nothing better to do. It wouldn’t do any harm to see what it said. She could tell Mary Margaret about it later and mock the ridiculous suggestions it had.

Because really, how could it suggest anything that would help her recover from the mess that was 2016? Not only had her almost fiance Walsh proved to be as too good to be true as she’d always worried, but also her ex Neal had reappeared wanting forgiveness for sending her to jail back when she was a minor and he was old enough to know better.

She had become Sheriff of Storybrooke, which really she should count as a win, but it had come at the cost of Graham’s life. He had been a good friend to her and getting ahead in such a way had never sit right with her. So even the best thing about her year was tinged with sadness and regret.

And there was the added insult that being Sheriff had meant more time with Mayor Mills. She was still trying to work out exactly what it was she had done to the high strung woman to earn her such contempt. It hardly seemed like a week went by without the mayor intruding or calling her abilities into question.

All in all, on a personal level, 2016 had sucked balls. Emma couldn’t even begin to consider all the political horrors that had happened and role models she had lost in the year.

Maybe letting a cheesy magazine dictate how to improve her year was a really dumb idea. But then, she hadn’t been doing all that well of having a good year on her own terms, so maybe it wasn’t the worst idea ever. She’d at least read the article. If the challenges sound fun, she might give them a try. Where’s the harm?

**January**

_After the chaos of the holiday season, January can often leave people a little flat. Your energy - and bank balance - is depleted and when all the sparkly lights come down, life can feel literally dark. Let some light into your life by getting exercise in the fresh air during daylight hours. You'll get some much needed vitamin D - and may even rid yourself of some pesky pounds after all the festive (over)indulgence._

Emma pulls on her running shoes. She hopes David doesn't comment on the fact that she was about to spend her lunch break exercising instead of stuffing her face.

The cheesy magazine actually had some good ideas - and getting out in the fresh air and daylight was one of them. She's going to start running because as much as she hates to admit it, she's a little out of shape. The idea of being able to chase after Will Scarlett without losing her breath is really, really appealing. If only so she could look cool and collected as she cuffed him. And because there are only so many snarky remarks she can take before she punches him in the face and ends up accused of police brutality.

It’s her third day of running and so far she’s found she likes it more than she expected. Her chest hurts a little, but in a strange way she enjoys the effort of really using her lungs. She’ll never be one of those sexy joggers that glides along like a gazelle though. She seems to sweat far more than should be physically possible with the amount of fluid she actually drinks in a day, for one thing.

And that’s cool. She isn’t running for anything other than to feel better. It’s nice to feel like her lifetime trait of running is actually a good thing for once.

It’s just a shame that there’s an impossibly hot guy she’s spotted the past two days. It’s not like she’s looking for someone, like, ever. But does the universe really hate her that much that it shows her possibly the most attractive man she’s ever seen live, in the flesh, for reals when she is, objectively speaking, looking her worst?

(Will Scarlett once said she looked like a giant and had chewed her up and “gobbed her out” after she chased him for two blocks. She really wishes she’d never asked him to explain that one. Even David had politely asked if she might like to head home for a shower on that particular day.)

At least she gets a good view on her runs, even if the poor guy isn’t so fortunate.

She turns a corner and spots him coming towards her. She allows herself the luxury of appreciating his fine form while he’s still far enough away for it not to be obvious that she’s letching. She hopes.

He smiles and nods at her in recognition as he passes her and she can’t help but grin back at him. So what if she looks like some kind of mucus-and-saliva-covered sweat monster? She still gets a smile (and oh my god _his smile_ \- that must surely be illegal) from a hot guy.

She sees him every day that week. By day 7 their friendly nod has progressed to a friendly hello (or grunted hey in her case, because that’s the best she can manage.)

On day 10 she takes a slightly different route and finds that their running routes converge. They run alongside each other for a minute before Killian looks at her and takes an earbud out. She does the same.

“Is this ok?” he asks, motioning between them.

“Sure,” is her breezy reply. (She hopes she sounds breezy and not like a lecherous old smoker thanks to her heavy panting.)

“I’m Killian. Killian Jones.” He holds out his hand for her to shake and for the first time she realises he only has one. She hopes he doesn’t notice that she blanched a little, more at her own obliviousness than his disability, but she can see how it might look to him.

She takes his hand a little awkwardly, not quite sure how to shake hands while in motion, but he seems to manage to make it look smooth and effortless. But then, it seems to be how he looks all the time so she’s hardly surprised.

“Emma Swan”.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Swan.”

“And you, Jones.”

They don’t speak again after that introduction, and after 5 minutes he branches off in a different direction, waving as he goes.

For the next 15 days Emma takes the same route, just so she can run with Jones. She notices that the time he spends running by her side gets gradually longer and longer.

Finally, on day 25, they don’t part ways until they reach the Sheriff’s station.

“This - is - me,” she pants as she catches her breath. Killian pauses, looking slightly uncomfortable. “You ok, Jones?”

“Do you go running in your lunch break, Swan?”

“Scared of hanging out with the Sheriff, Jones?” He laughs and it makes her feel happy inside.

“Just wondered if this is where you start from? Perhaps I could just pick you up tomorrow?” She’s a little stunned by his suggestion, and despite knowing how awful she looks, she instantly bristles at the idea of something that sounds dangerously like a date. He could be one of those people that preys on -

“I don’t mean as a date or anything, Swan.”

She relaxes at that. He chuckles a little, clearly having noticed both her anxiety and now her relief. “I like to think that I know how to plan a proper evening out, when the occasion arises. It’s simply nice to have some company while I run. It’s no bother if you like the time alone. In fact, if I spend a little too long running at your side, you should just tell me and I shall stop it at once.”

“Calm down, Killian, it’s cool. Meet me here at 12.”

And that’s the story of how Emma Swan finds a running partner in Killian Jones.

**February**

_Hallmark tells us it's the season of romance, but when you haven't met The One™ that sentiment is as irritating as it is depressing. But love comes in many forms - why not spend the month showing some platonic love by celebrating your friends or nurturing new friendships?_

Emma invites Mary Margaret to brunch to celebrate Galentine's Day. Her best friend is delighted and they have a truly wonderful time.

And yet, Emma feels disappointed with herself for some inexplicable reason.

If Emma were to really keep to the spirit of the monthly challenges, she would ask Killian to go get a hot chocolate with her. She feels a little annoyed at herself for not taking the chance that the monthly challenge offers.

She can't help but wonder at that.

It's not like it would have to be a big deal. They could jog straight to Granny's at the end of their run and it wouldn't be at all like a date. They'd both be all hot and sweaty and there's nothing at all sexual about that.

_Ahem._

And this is why the words always get caught in her throat. She genuinely wants to be friends with Killian, but she hasn't really got the knack for making them. She isn't even sure how to do the friendship thing with straight ladies, but when there's even the slightest chance that her friendly overtures could be mistaken for something else? She'll pass on that awkward scenario and just settle for having a running buddy.

She continues to run with him every day, sometimes chatting, sometimes silent, but always comfortable.

It's enough.

**March**

_As the days get brighter, it's time to start spring cleaning. If you always keep your house shipshape, try purging your wardrobe, detoxing your body or taking time to sort out your finances._

“Have you got exciting adventures planned for your weekend, love? Perhaps you’re off to slay a dragon? Or to defeat an evil queen?”

“There’s no queens in this town, just the mayor. Although she is a bit like an evil queen.” Killian laughs at her words. “No, actually, I’m going to sort out my finances.”

“Why do you sound like you’d rather face a dragon?”

Emma can never quite decide if she loves or hates how well Killian can read her.

“Because I would?” She grimaces, well aware she is probably going to sound like a stroppy teen with what she’s going to say next. “I just hate doing them so much! It’s like homework for grown ups and I just can’t,” she groans.

“I am sure that you can, Swan, if you put your mind to it I believe you could do anything.”

She merely grunts in reply, grateful that it would be impossible to tell that she’s blushing as her face is already red from the run.

They run in silence until they reach the station.

“If you truly are unsure about your finances, I could help, if you like? With being a writer I need to know how to do them properly or I’d be destitute by now.”

Emma’s head snaps up and her mouth drops open in surprise.

Killian looks deeply uncomfortable at her response. “I mean - I don’t - it was but a foolish suggestion, love.”

She puts a hand on her shoulder to stop his babbling.

“That would be incredible. But are you sure that’s how you want to spend your freetime? Wrestling an overgrown teenager’s finances into shape? You might be better off with a dragon.”

His answering smile is dazzling.

“Aye, I’m sure.”

Killian comes to her house on Saturday and by the time he leaves, her finances are in impeccable order. She feeds him grilled cheese sandwiches with onion rings and feels slightly embarrassed that her cooking skills don’t extend to anything fancier. She persuades him to stay to watch a film so he knows that she actually likes his company and isn’t just using him for his ability to balance budgets.

It’s an unexpectedly productive and delightful day. She isn’t sure, but she thinks she might finally be learning how to friend right.

**April**

_The Easter season is now as synonymous with chocolate eggs as it is the resurrection of Christ. Buck that trend this month and focus on eating fresh fruit and veg. Always have at least one fresh item with every meal and snack on fruit or crudités in between. Your body will thank you._

“Killian, if I never look at another vegetable again as long as I live it’ll be too soon!” Emma’s whines into her phone as soon as Killian picks up. He laughs at her.

“What have vegetables ever done to you, love?”

“Oh it’s not them, it’s me! I kill them!” She prods some sad and slightly grey-looking carrots with a fork. “I make them totally inedible!”

“Swan, at the risk of sounding like a misogynist pig, you sound in need of a knight in shining armour. Might I come to your rescue good lady?”

She rolled her eyes before remembering Killian couldn’t see her expression. “You’re such a dork, Jones.” She hoped he could hear the eye roll in her voice.

“So you _don’t_ want my help?”

“I didn’t say that…”

“I'll be over in 20 minutes.”

True to his word, Killian shows up 20 minutes later, a grocery bag in his hands. He grimaces a little at the sight of the mush formerly known as vegetables that has long since gone cold on her plate.

In no time at all he has produced a plate of steak with perfectly cooked courgettes, kale and broccoli on the side.

Emma moaned - actually moaned - as she tasted the first bite of kale. And she normally hates the stuff.

“How do you do this?” she spoke with her mouth full, completely unwilling to stop eating. The benefit of befriending someone who is far too attractive to be real when you look your worst is that you never learn to care how you look around them.

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

She huffs and gives him an unimpressed look. She lets him feel the full force of her disapproval as she slowly chews and swallows her latest bite.

“Spill or you're cooking for me every day.”

Killian looks strangely intrigued at the thought, although she cannot figure out why. She's not sure she wants to figure out why.

“I'm serious, Jones, fess up or I'm tying you up.” She deadpans, he quirks a brow, salaciously running his tongue along his teeth in reply. Emma doesn't miss a beat. “Not in the good way, you'll be my slave chef.”

“Nothing exciting, Swan, I simply took some cooking lessons. I can recommend one to you if you'd like to go.”

Emma frowned. “I think it'd be easier if you became my chef. Just how lucrative can writing really be?”

“My last 3 books all made The New York Times Best Sellers lists. It's lucrative enough.”

Emma gawks at him, she wonders if there will ever come a time when he will ever stop surprising her. She hopes not.

“You what?”

“You really didn't know?”

Emma blushes, feeling like a terrible friend for not knowing this already.

“I don't read a lot,” she mumbles, embarrassed.

“I just figured once I told you I was a writer you'd figure it out.”

She crosses her arms across her chest, feeling really stupid and looks down.

“It's quite alright, Swan, in fact it's nice to know that you really aren't just interested in my gold.”

“You have gold?!”

He smiles and she strongly suspects he's forcing back a laugh.

“No, just a figure of speech. Most people are only interested in my money, I've always liked that you seemed to like me just for me, but now I know that you just weren't aware -”

“I still don't care about your money, your cooking skills on the other hand…”

Killian clutches his heart as though wounded. “So the only way to stay in your good graces, m’lady, is to know my place is in your kitchen?”

“Exactly.”

And that’s how Killian ends up cooking for Emma every Saturday night.

**May**

_May is Mental Health Awareness Month , so take time to talk about what's going on with you. Whether you need the support of trained professionals, or simply want to reach out to friends, remember: it's OK to not be OK._

It’s Saturday night and Emma has just finished the last bite of another fabulous feast courtesy of Killian. The wine that they shared has loosened her tongue and she's in an uncharacteristically sharing mood.

“I don't have a family.” She blurts out the statement defiantly, almost willing Killian to pity her.

“Neither have I, love.”

She tilts her head at him thoughtfully, “seriously?”

“Aye.”

“What happened?”

Killian instantly looks uneasy.

“I thought we were talking about you. What's your story?”

Emma takes a deep breath and talks fast.

“Abandoned as a newborn. By the side of a road, they didn't even bother to take me to a fucking hospital. Bounced from home to home. Nearly adopted twice. The first family gave me back when they had their own kid. The second lady had a psychotic break and tried to kill me. Eventually I ran away and wound up falling in love with an older man who took my virginity and left me in prison for his crime. I'm not good at relationships, sharing my feelings or talking about what's happened to me so it means a lot when anyone cares enough to stick with me at all and put up with my bullshit.”

She gasps for breath and stares down at the floor. She's embarrassed about everything she's just shared. Although she also feels like she dropped a weight that she's been carrying around for far too long.

A pair of strong arms wrap around her and she's pulled tight against a warm chest. She's so relieved that this is Killian's response to her sorry story.

He runs his fingers through her hair and doesn't loosen his grip until he feels her start to pull back.

He puts a finger under her chin and nudges her head up so he can look her dead in the eye. “I'm so sorry that you had to live through all that, love.”

“I've never told anyone that before.”

His eyes soften and fill with a kind of pride.

“I'm honoured that you want to share your beginnings with me.”

“Even though I was treated like scum for most of my life?” She's so insecure, she can't quite believe that anyone would want to hear about her.

“My own origin story isn't exactly easy reading.”

She looks at him with a question in her eyes, he shakes his head imperceptibly. “I'll tell you about it sometime, but for now, let's focus on you.”

Emma grimaces.

“Do we have to?”

“Not if you don't want to. But perhaps you might consider seeking professional help?” Emma bristles at his suggestion. “Forgive me if I've upset you, I myself have sought the help of a therapist. I lost my hand, my brother and my naval career in a single accident. It left me in a dark place, I indulged in too much rum, women and substances I probably shouldn't mention with the Sheriff around.” He grins but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. “Talking helped. Of course if you wish to confide in me, I will always be here. You may find it easier to talk to someone who does not know you and isn't affected by anything you may reveal.”

“What I said affected you?” Emma frowns.

“I have a sudden wish to pummel this ex of yours.”

“Just as well we didn't know each other last year when he showed up wanting to get back together.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am.”

“That is - it's not often I am at a loss for words, but this is one of those times.”

“Me too.”

“Will you promise me one thing, Swan? If he ever shows up again let me know so I can punch him.”

“I will, but it seems unlikely that he would. Last time _I_ punched him.”

He looks incredibly proud of her. “Of course you did, you're bloody brilliant, Swan.”

After that the conversation turns to lighter subjects.

Killian's even more proud of her the following Saturday when she reveals that she's booked her first appointment with Dr Hopper.

**June**

_The longest day of the year takes place in June. Make the most of the extra daylight hours and have an epic adventure. Go hiking in the mountains, hold an all-day rager, go road tripping to God-knows-where. Whatever you do, make that one day unforgettable._

“How do you feel about mountains?”

“Lovely to look at, but a little impractical to keep at home.”

She rolls her eyes, “for hiking in. For a day trip. With me. Got to make the most of the extra hours of sunshine in June.”

“Alternative suggestion: come sailing with me. Satisfaction guaranteed.”

“And how do you intend to satisfy me precisely?”

Killian licks his lips suggestively. “Well all good sailors know how to tie a good knot, and in the Royal Navy it's very important that we know how to service the queen.”

His words are designed to tease but she feels weak at the knees.

“Please, you couldn't handle it.”

“Perhaps _you're_ the one who couldn't handle _it_.”

“Well, let's find out if you're all talk, Sailor, next Saturday?”

“Aye.” Emma's not entirely certain what she's just agreed to, but she's looking forward to finding out.

Emma is naked and tied to the mast of Killian's ship. He's on his knees between her thighs, looking up at her with swollen and glossy lips.

“Did I please your highness? If not -”

Emma's phone rings, waking her up. She's had similar dreams every night this week and now is in quite a state. She thinks she might actually come just from the sight of Killian's tongue. The man seems to constantly lick his lips she doesn't know how she'll survive the day without embarrassing herself.

“Morning, Swan!” She groans involuntarily at his voice. She hopes he'll assume it was just a response to the early wake up call.

“Hey.”

“Just letting you know I'm on my way, Swan.” That statement cuts through the fog of arousal that's clouding up her brain.

“Wait, what time is it?!”

“Just before 8 - I'm picking you up at 8:15, remember you want to make the most of the extra hours of sunshine.”

Emma groans again. This time it really is because of the wake up call.

“Do you always have to give me exactly what I ask for?”

“How monstrous of me, can you ever forgive me your highness?”

She has a flash of Killian on his knees and lets out a strangled moan. He is instantly full of concern, “Swan, are you quite well?”

“I'm fine,” she says in the least convincing voice ever. She clears her throat, “um, just don't call me that.”

“Call you what?” There's a pause while he thinks, “you mean your highness?”

She had steeled herself for it that time and still felt a little weak.

“I'm a modern princess, don't like to remind the poor people of everything they don't have.”

He laughs, “as you wish. See you at 8:15.”

Killian's ship is a normal, modern boat and nothing like the old fashioned pirate ship of her dreams. She tries to hide the wave of disappointment that rolls over her at the sight.

It's probably for the best after all.

It's not like she could reenact her fantasies with the man who has become essential to her existence. Not that she thinks he'd object to the idea, she's seen how he looks at her when he thinks she's not paying attention. And she's positive her wildest dreams can't do his talents justice, he's ridiculously good at everything.

She simply isn't looking for a relationship and he'd make some lady far too happy to tangle him up in some messy friends with benefits situation. She's not meant to be with a man like Killian Jones. She's not the heroine of an epic tale who will find her true love and live happily ever after. She's not said a word since Killian first pointed out the vessel and his face has fallen, obviously misconstruing her silence.

“Your ship is very impressive captain, permission to come aboard?”

His answering smile is so radiant it could light up the entire town. “Aye, she's a marvel, now let me show you around.”

They spend a wonderful day out on the water. He provides typically delicious food, a substantial amount of rum and lessons in some of the finer points of seafaring. Emma for her part provides a grateful taste tester, a happy drinking buddy and an eager pupil.

(She's particularly keen to learn the frankly dazzling array of knots he demonstrates, “in case you ever need to tie someone up”. And while she may smack him for the comment, she still pays close attention, storing the information for future use. It's a vital skill for a Sheriff and if she's noticed that he has often spoken of her tying him up, well, that's merely a coincidence.)

They are back at the docks and the sun has long since set, but they are lingering on the ship, unwilling to let the day end.

“Do you ever miss it?”

“Miss what, Swan?”

“The Royal Navy, life on the open waves, buckling some swash or whatever.”

He frowns and turns to look at her, cocking his head in confusion. “I think you've confused being a lieutenant in the navy with life as a pirate, love.”

She laughs and shoves him.

“Smart ass. Seriously, you were in your element out there today, it must be hard that you've had to give that up.”

“Aye, but then, you wouldn't have me here to feed you vegetables, Swan, so all’s well that ends well.”

“Sounds like a win for me, but what do you get out of it?”

He blushes at the question.

“Why, the pleasure of your company of course.” His tone is teasing and yet his expression is surprisingly defiant, she sees how exposed this admission has made him feel.

She studies him carefully, looking for the lie in his words. This is an unexpectedly romantic moment, she feels how easy it would be to kiss him, maybe make some of those hot dreams of hers come true.

But then she remembers herself and all the reasons she's wrong for him.

“Lucky for me you have such low standards.”

“Don't sell yourself short, Swan, you're bloody marvellous.”

She nudges his shoulder with hers.

“Yeah, well, you're pretty great yourself.”

He smiles at her like she just made some grand romantic declaration. Maybe it's not everything he deserves, but it seems to be enough for him, for now at least.

**July**

_On July 4 we celebrate Independence Day - celebrate your own independence and be a little selfish this month. What have you always wanted to do, but never let yourself before? Do it! Is there something you always wanted to try but thought you shouldn't? Now’s your chance! Got your eye on a lavish and totally ridiculous purchase? Treat yo self!_

Emma is twirling in front of the mirror in her beautiful new dress. It's a pale pink 50s style dress with a wide v-neck, nipped-in waist and a full, swishy skirt.

She feels like a fairytale princess and imagines dancing at a ball in it.

In her mind’s eye she can see a certain blue eyed, dark haired man taking her in his arms and spinning her around the room. He would look at her with tender eyes, his arms would feel so safe and strong around her -

“Swan? I come bearing the finest ingredients to make a meal fit for my princess.”

Killian's voice echoing through her apartment snaps her out of her daydream. She hadn't realised it had gotten so late. She needs to get out of this dress. Fast.

“Just a minute!” She calls out and reaches for her zipper.

She has to twist her arms awkwardly to reach it, but she manages it. She barely has time to crow triumphantly in her head before she realises that it's stuck.

She jiggles it a few times experimentally, it doesn't budge. She wishes she could just poof into new clothes, where's a genie when you need them? As she's in the real world, she needs to swallow her pride and allow Killian to see her playing princess dress up like an overgrown child in an overpriced frock.

“Killian? Can you come here please? I need your help.”

Her arms flop down by her side and she slouches a little. All feelings of beauty and grace have slunk away and now she just feels like a dick.

Killian knocks on the door and she throws it open. His jaw drops and his eyes fill with wonder. It makes her feel even more ridiculous - although a secret part of her whispers, _I knew he'd like it._

“Swan, you look -” he finally breathes out, looking like it took some effort to remember how to speak.

She blushes and butts in before he can finish his thought, unable to stand hearing that she looks stupid, even less able to handle any compliment he might bestow.

“Idiotic, I know.”

“I was going to say ‘stunning’, actually. But, what seems to be the trouble?” His eyes darken a little, “I must have missed your message about having a date tonight, apologies for intruding -”

“There's no date.” Emma jumps in quickly. She feels a strange mix of horror at his assumption and triumph at his apparent distress.

_He was probably just unhappy at the change in plan._ She tells herself, although the relief and sheer joy in his eyes suggests otherwise.

“So, what's this in aid of?” He gestures to her outfit. At first he looks adorably confused, but then it's like a switch has flicked and suddenly he's all false bravado and seductive charm. “Are you dressing like this for me?” He punctuates his question by running his tongue along his lip.

There's a teasing sparkle in his eye, undisguised admiration and just the tiniest sliver of hope.

She doesn't allow herself to react to anything but the teasing and replies with a shove to his shoulder.

“You wish.” He mutters something that sounds a lot like “aye”, she ignores it. “I did the whole ‘treat yo self’ thing and now I'm stuck.”

“You did what?”

“‘Treat yo self!’ From Parks and Rec? You buy something that you don't need, you just want? Not the point. I can't undo the zipper. Help me, Killian Jones, you're my only hope.” She throws out a Star Wars reference in the hope that it will make her feel less stupid. She's not sure it works.

Killian's tapping his lips thoughtfully. “You need me to undress you, Swan? I must say, this isn't how I expected our evening to go,but never let it be said that I'd ignore a damsel in distress.”

Emma rolls her eyes in reply, but then Killian puts his hand on her back. The warmth sends a sudden shiver down her spine and her skin tingles. He gently places his prosthetic against the fabric to hold it in place.

He pulls the zipper down, fingers brushing her spine until the end. It's dangerously low and she can feel him lingering. It's more sensual than some one night stands she's had and she's overwhelmed with the power of it. She can feel the panic rising, but before she can do anything stupid he steps away.

“Done.” His voice sounds gruff and he looks as overcome by the encounter as she. She finds the thought vaguely comforting.

“Thanks. I can take it from here. You can go cook me dinner.”

Killian gives a little bow, “as you wish,” he murmurs and leaves.

Emma's left with a pounding heart, too many emotions and a slight tingle of arousal she tries hard to ignore.

**August**

_It's nearly the end of summer, but there's still time to take a vacation. Explore new horizons and return to real life refreshed, revived and ready for anything._

“I'm going to New York.” She says it over dinner one Saturday, he looks up sharply. “Just for a few days.” She can see the tension drain out of him at her words.

“Now?”

“End of the month. For a vacation. I've never been.”

“It's a wonderful city, who are you going with?”

“No one.”

For the second time in a few minutes his head snaps up. _He's going to give himself whiplash at this rate_.

“You wish to travel alone?”

Emma shrugs.

“Maybe? I haven't really got anyone to ask. ” Emma thinks she sees a flicker of hurt in his eyes.

“You could ask me.” He says it casually, but he looks nervous.

“I couldn't -”

“Emma. Stop whatever panicking you're about to do. I would like you to ask me. I would like to go with you. I would like to show you the sights.” He's only talking about a vacation, just a little trip away, but his words make Emma feel so warm and wanted.

“Killian, would you go to New York with me?”

“What an excellent suggestion, Swan, however did you think of it?”

“Killian…” she says his name as a warning.

“I would love to, Swan.”

***

“So you're telling me that you've lost my reservation?” Emma doesn't know how Killian manages to be so calm at this news.

“I'm sorry, sir, I don't know how this could have happened.”

“Might I suggest that you simply give me another room, lass?”

The receptionist looks like she might cry.

“We're fully booked, sir.”

“I see. Well I trust that you are going to give me a full refund?”

“Of course.”

“And my friend Emma Swan here who you've just checked in, you'll give her a free bottle of champagne in her room?”

“Absolutely.”

“And I'd suggest that a complimentary dinner for two in your lovely restaurant would be appropriate considering the inconvenience to myself?” Killian was smiling politely, and was exuding a quiet confidence that Emma found incredibly sexy.

The receptionist squeaked out, “one moment, sir” before vanishing for a few minutes, when she appeared she was all smiles. “What time shall I book your table for, sir?”

“8, if that's alright with you, Swan?”

Emma nodded dumbly, she didn't really trust her voice to work while he was oozing suave.

The table booked, they move away from the check in desk. Instantly Killian's cool facade comes down. Emma's more than a little sorry to see it go.

He scratches behind his ear in his trademark nervous move, “might I come to your room while I search for suitable accommodation, love?”

“Sure.”

When they reach her room her eyes go wide at how huge and luxurious it is. The bed is nothing short of epic and there's enough space for a couch in one corner.

It gives her a ridiculous and entirely inappropriate idea.

“Why don't you just stay here?”

Killian stops dead, staring down at his phone. After a moment he slowly looks up, uncertainty spread across his face. Emma feels like a fool and wishes she could unsay the words.

“Swan, are you sure?”

_No, this is a fucking terrible idea and I never should have mentioned it._

“Yeah. I mean, if you are. That bed's got to be big enough for at least 10 people. Maybe more.”

“Might be awkward if you, um, meet anyone and wish to get to know them intimately…”

It takes Emma longer than it should to understand the meaning that Killian's hinting at. Her heart sinks a little at the idea that he was maybe out to hook up on their holiday.

“Oh, I wasn't, I didn't, um.” She pauses to compose herself, “I didn't think this was that kind of holiday. If it is for you, go ahead and find your own hotel room so you can get to know some people intimately in private.”

This is one of those times when Emma truly wishes she could just disintegrate. Perhaps all of her embarrassed energy will cause her to crumble. She becomes fascinated by the detailing on the carpet. Or would be if it wasn't boring beige with absolutely nothing interesting to examine.

“Swan, this isn't that kind of holiday for me either. I would be honoured to share your accommodation.”

It's one of those things that could have been painfully uncomfortable, but much like everything between them, it's just nice. Even when she wakes up that first morning snuggled into him, clinging to him as he tries to wriggle free to use the bathroom, it's nothing more than a reason to laugh.

And so they spend an amazing 4 days exploring The Big Apple. They do as many stereotypical tourist activities as they can cram into a few days. They go to the top of the Empire State building. They stroll through Central Park. Killian is particularly delighted that Emma agrees to ride the Staten Island Ferry.

It's only on their final night in the city that anything changes.

Emma had brought the expensive pink dress that she bought in a haze of “treat yo self” euphoria in July and she demanded that she have an occasion to wear it. (She can't help but wonder if wearing the dress could help them reclaim that magical feeling she got when he saw her in - and helped her out of - it last time.) And so her and Killian got themselves all fancied up and went out for cocktails.

When they finally return to their room it's so late it's early. They stumble and giggle their way back to their hotel room, after “imbibing a rather large quantity of libations” in Killian's words.

Killian smiles goofily at Emma, “Swan, you look stunning. I know I told you that last time I saw the dress, but it's still true.” His eyes are full of awe and she smiles a little half smile, pride mingling in with insecurity and doubt. She feels genuinely pretty in a way she isn't used to and it feels good to have someone appreciate it.

“You look…” she falters.

“I know.”

In any other circumstance she would have rolled her eyes at that, but she's actually grateful at being saved from saying anything more. She's fairly certain all the physical attraction she's felt for him would come out in one go. At best she would list an embarrassing number of synonyms for devilishly handsome, at worst she'd make an incoherent series of grunts.

Killian steps closer to her and those incoherent grunts are on the verge of tumbling from her lips in spite of herself.

“I would very much like to kiss you now, Emma.”

Emma’s heart skips a beat at Killian’s use of her real name. He’s leaning in close and it’s so hard to concentrate on anything with the way her heart is pounding. But she needs to get this out before they go any further.

“I don't want to hurt you.”

“Then don't.” Killian’s answer sounds so simple, and maybe for someone else, it would be. But Emma’s some kind of broken idiot and she doesn’t know how to let people in, to let them close. Killian’s already got further than most and she can't let him go any further. She doesn't know how to girlfriend. Not in the way he deserves.

“What I mean is that I - I care about you -”

“I care about you too.” His answer sounds so sincere, her heart swells even as it cracks a little. She takes a deep breath, looks him in the eye and talks quickly.

“But if we do this, it's going to be a one time thing.” She studies his face, watching for his reaction. She isn’t sure what she wants him to do, not hate her is all she has.

“Just tonight? Then back to just friends, is that what you're proposing?” His face is unreadable as he clarifies what she wants. Emma bites her lip, suddenly nervous to see how he feels. If what she's asking for is too much for him.

“Yes. Can - can you do that?”

“Aye.” Killian pounces on her lips, pulling her to his body so suddenly that she loses her balance.

“What are you doing?!” She gasps out breaking the kiss.

“You've just told me I have only one night to ravish my princess. I am making the most of it.”

This time when he kisses her, she lets him.

Emma wakes up the next morning wrapped around Killian, both still naked after the night’s enjoyable activities. She's sure she should feel awkward, but she's never felt more happy or more content. It does occur to her that she should maybe give this, give _them_ , a chance. But then she considers her less than stellar track record with men and decides that friendship is a far better option.

As she slips from Killian's embrace he stirs a little, “escaping already, princess?” he murmurs. She turns, dreading seeing disappointment on his face. To her surprise and delight, he's grinning at her.

“I'm just going to get dressed,” she stands and moves to collect some clothes.

“Oh but your birthday suit is so stunning, it would be a shame to deny the world the sight.”

She wiggles her butt in response and he chuckles.

“Maybe, but that would get me arrested and then not even you would get to see it.”

“So you mean I'll get to see it again? I thought last night was a ‘one time thing’?”

A lump suddenly forms in her throat, this is it, this is when it gets awkward. She turns back to him, clutching her clothes to her chest in a vain attempt at covering her modesty. He must see the fear in her eyes because his expression immediately switches from saucy and suggestive to understanding and soft.

“I was only teasing, love. I mean I wouldn't object to a repeat performance,” he pushes his tongue into his cheek, dancing his brows suggestively for the briefest of moments. Before she can freak out he smiles warmly at her, all trace of the teasing lothario gone. “Last night was perfect, love, let's keep it that way.” He stands up while he talks and moves towards her. He kisses her forehead tenderly, then reaches for his own clothes. “Now, what's the plan for today?”

They spend one last day exploring New York together. It's like it always is between them, easy and fun. There's no hint that last night Killian had given her more orgasms than she knew her body was capable of. As always, Killian had given her exactly what she wanted. While her body was satisfied, her heart was whispering that maybe it wasn't, maybe just friends would never be enough.

**September**

_It’s labor day and after all the summer fun, it's time to knuckle down and do some work. Challenge your brain by learning a new skill, be it frivolous and fun or a way to get ahead at work._

It's Friday night and Emma is indulging in some breaking and entering. There isn't much else to do in Storybrooke. It's also the best way, as far as Emma is concerned, to surprise Killian with her newly acquired cooking skills.

He has big meeting with his publisher that she knows he has been stressed about. So she's going to have a home cooked meal waiting for him when he gets home. Even if she has to break the law to do it.

She's just putting the finishing touches to everything when she hears him unlock his door. She quickly lights the candles and steps back to admire her handiwork, when she hears his voice.

It's like she has an out of body experience. Suddenly she realises how insane she's been. She broke into a friend's house to cook him a fancy candlelit dinner - she even folded the napkins into fucking swans because she thought it would make him smile - and she never thought to make sure he didn't have plans. This feels far too much like girlfriend territory - and not even a successful version at that.

She steels herself to meet whoever Killian has with him. She might actually die of shame if it's a date.

_Perhaps I could pretend to have set this all up for them - like it was some grand plan of Killian's._

The door opens, she holds her breath -

And is immensely relieved to see that it's just Killian, phone against his ear and mouth open in shock.

“Can I call you back, Belle? ... Great, talk to you soon.” He hangs up and drops his phone on a side table, looking around the room in shock.

“What's all this, love? Did I forget about my birthday again?”

“Surprise?” Emma says weakly.

“Aye, that it is,”

Emma pouts a little, her inner monologue berating her for this whole ridiculous idea and -

“It's a good one. I'm just not sure what the occasion is?” He puts his hand on her shoulder and she instantly relaxes.

“I took that cooking class that you suggested and you had that big meeting and you're always taking care of me and I just wanted to return the favour and…”

“Emma, it's wonderful, love. Now, let's eat.”

**October**

_Halloween means all manner of ghosts and ghouls will be stalking the streets, but you can handle anything because you are a strong, confident human being. Prove how fearless you are by facing your fears this month - be they spiders or dinner with the in-laws!_

Deep down Emma knows what she is really afraid of, but quite frankly she isn't ready to face those fears. No matter how much her life has improved thanks to those monthly challenges.

But something she can handle is introducing Killian to her other friends. It's her birthday this month; she can have a party and they can all meet in a low key, no pressure way that doesn't give the impression that he's her boyfriend. It's perfect.

Or it would be, if her friends didn't love to meddle and mock her.

Mary Margaret had all but asked when the wedding was happening. Ruby had asked if she could “take him for a ride, if you're not going to” (earning her a hearty smack from her girlfriend Dorothy, to Emma's endless delight). David read him the riot act, insisting that this is how he talks to all men who spend time with her. Even Elsa had given Emma meaningful looks throughout their conversation.

Only Belle had any sense of decorum, and that may be because she was already friends with Killian. (She should have realised they'd know each other, what with Belle being a librarian and Killian a famous author.)

When she spotted Anna heading her way with a gleeful look in her eyes, she had decided enough was enough and had run away.

She's hiding in her bedroom when Killian finds her.

“Are you trying to shirk your hostess duties, love?”

“Yep.”

“You left me to the wolves, how could you be so cruel? Well, there's just the one wolf, really. Tell me, love, is Ruby always so forward?”

“She's usually worse, actually.”

There's silence between them, it's not exactly uncomfortable, but Emma can tell he has more to say.

“Many of them were shocked to hear some of the tales I have to tell of our adventures. Asked if I had really been spending time with Emma Swan. They seemed to find the fact that we've been spending time together at all quite shocking.”

He isn't actually asking anything, but Emma feels the silent question. She picks up the magazine that started everything and passes it to him.

“12 Ways to Dramatically Improve Your Year: Monthly Challenges to Help You Embrace Life, Grow As A Person and Make 2017 Your Best Year Ever!” Killian reads out loud before looking up at her, “what's this, love?”

“It's what I've been doing this year. It's why you think I'm Swan, bold, daring and up for exciting new challenges and my friends all think I'm just Emma.”

“I can't believe anyone who's met you could call you _just_ anything.” Emma scoffed at that. “Why didn't you share your adventures with your friends?”

“Because… I just wanted to do this, without having to explain myself. I wanted to find out who I really am.”

“And just who are you, Swan?”

“Wouldn't you like to know?

“Perhaps I would.”

“Yeah, me too.” He goes silent at her words, looking thoughtfully at the article.

“It says here that October’s the month to face your fears,” he looks up from the magazine. “What are you afraid of, love?”

“Parties.” Emma replies instantly, the lie rolling off her tongue. Killian arches one brow in reply, silently calling her on her bullshit. “What, is it traditional for people in England to hide in their bedrooms when they have people over?”

“Aye. But in England three people in separate rooms with a six pack and some twiglets is considered a party, so I can’t really comment.”

She’s mystified by his response. “It’s like you’re speaking to me, but I just don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

He laughs and shakes his head, mumbling “heathen”. She can tell by the challenging gleam in his eyes that he meant her to hear it.

“So, parties, hey?”

“Yup.”

“And that’s all this is?”

Emma felt a ripple of anxiety at his words, she bashed it away with irritation at his infuriatingly perceptive ways. She turned to him with a huff.

“What else would it be Killian?”

“Well, I know all your friends’ names, birthdays and probably intimate details of their lives they’d be horrified to discover I know, and yet some of them didn’t even seem to know I existed. Those that did expressed some surprise that I’m real. I can’t help but wonder at that?”

She knew she was busted and that this was probably the time to be truly fearless and really talk to Killian about what they were. But she’d already let him in so far, she’d given him so much power over her already. It was all she could manage in one month.

“They’re just shocked that there really is someone in this tiny town that they’ve never met before. It doesn’t happen often.”

“Aye, makes sense, lass.”

It stung more than she cared to examine that he didn’t call her love like he usually did. But then if she’s allowed to protect her heart then so is he. And if his tone was a little wistful and sad, well that’s something she didn’t want to think about right now. Or ever.

**November**

_It’s Thanksgiving and that means it’s time to show some gratitude! Research shows that feeling grateful for what we have is the key to greater happiness, a more optimistic outlook and even better health and better sleep. So take this month to feel grateful for what you have - count your blessings and thank your loved ones for playing a part in your life._

Emma spends all month trying to find a way to express her gratitude to Killian for all the things he does for her.

She talks to Belle, hoping for advice on how to find the right words. When she leaves the librarian she feels inspired.

But then, when she sits down to write him a letter, she spots one of his books on the shelf and her inspiration melts away. He's incredible with words, weaving tales of a feisty princess who grew up a pauper and the dastardly pirate with a heart of gold who loves her. She's not a big reader, but she can tell that his writing is something special. She understands why his books are best sellers.

He would know how to say thank you properly.

There's a scene in one of his books when the pirate has just saved the princess’ father from meeting his untimely end. The pirate challenged the princess to show her gratitude properly, asking if a simple thank you is “all your father's life is worth?”. The royal stunned him by pulling him in for a life changing kiss.

Emma was hot and bothered after reading the sexually charged and teasing exchange. When that kiss happened, well, she was panting nearly as much as Princess Leia.

She's knows she couldn't continue to claim that friendship is all she wants if she were to kiss him like that.

And yet.

Maybe kissing Killian breathless would be the perfect thank you. Or it might be if there were feelings behind it. (Feelings that she would admit to.)

It wouldn't be fair to him to only offer him one night again. She's not sure it would be fair to herself either.

So here she is.

She can't find the right words because she speaks through actions. But she can't find the right actions either.

She settles on something that feels ultimately inadequate, but speaks volumes. She hopes.

She asks Mary Margaret if she can invite Killian to their Thanksgiving meal. Her friend raises her brows but wisely does not comment. This is already a significant move for Emma, she doesn't need anyone speaking up and causing her to second guess her plans or she'll never go through with stage 2.

On the big day, Killian comes over and fits seamlessly in with her friends. If they have more to say about her relationship status, they wisely keep their thoughts to themselves. His presence feels natural and normal. She can't say why that surprises her. He's gotten under her skin so much in the past 11 months she can barely remember a time when they didn't know each other.

Mary Margaret makes them each take turns to say what they are thankful for before they can eat. Normally this stresses Emma out, but this time she knows exactly what to say. She still feels a tingle of nerves, but there's also excitement and anticipation. She's found both the words and the actions to express herself she thinks. She hopes.

When it's her turn to speak she turns to Killian.

“I -” She loses her nerve. She's free falling, lost in her anxiety. He smiles encouragingly at her and takes hold of the hand closest to his good one. It feels like an anchor, tethering her to reality, guiding her home.

She sees so much love and hope in his eyes. The doubt wells up again. Is this enough? But, then, she sees the doubt in his eyes and she knows he needs this.

She tries again.

“I am grateful for Killian Jones.” It's not the grand gesture he truly deserves. But he looks at her with such gratitude that she feels like maybe she just gave him everything without even realising it.

**December**

_‘Tis the season of giving. While sadly now Christmas has become a symbol of consumerism, you can also find ways to give that don’t involve dollars. Celebrate this special time by giving time to loved ones, giving food to those in need and giving your skills to charity. Find your own ways to honour the season that make you feel good instead of dreading the day your credit card bill arrives._

Emma spends December devoting herself to others.

She volunteers to help at charity events. She babysits for friends so they can attend office parties. She bakes cookies for everyone - from the postal workers to nurses to the kids who attend Belle's weekly storytime sessions at the library.

There is one last thing she has to give. If she can be brave.

Throughout it all she keeps jogging with Killian just like they started way back in January. She keeps having dinner with him on a Saturday. She doesn't confront that things have fundamentally shifted in the DNA of their relationship and neither does he.

At Christmas she gives him a miniature pirate ship with a swan’s head carved into the bow. He beams like it's the best present he's ever been given.

He gives her a short story that he has had bound in leather. It's about a lonely swan princess who saved a scoundrel from a life of misery and in return he gave her his heart. She knows it's the best present she has ever been given.

It's December 31, almost exactly a year since she met Killian.

They are going to spend the night together. They haven't talked about it, but she wants to start the next year together. Just as she wants to start every year together until there are no more years.

She believes he feels the same. She hopes he does. She's tired of not knowing for sure. It's time to give him her gift.

“Evening, Swan.” Killian strolls into her apartment like he owns the place.

She comes out of her room dressed in her treat yo self dress. She's hoping this time she'll use its magic right and she'll finally have her heart’s desire. Third time’s the charm and all that.

He does a double take when he sees her and stops dead. She hears his little intake of breath. He looks like his heart has stopped.

He doesn't say she looks stunning this time, but his face says it for him. He seems to actually have been stunned and for once words have failed him.

She can feel her heart beating hard as she walks slowly towards him. It's hammering away at what is left of the walls that she had built around it that Killian has carefully been dismantling ever since they met. It needs room to swell up with the love she's hoping he will fill it with, mingling with her own to make it stronger than ever.

She hasn't got a plan for what to do now.

As she stands inches from him, the answer comes to her immediately. She stands up on her tiptoes, caresses his cheeks and looks deep into his eyes.

“Killian, I love you.”

He appears to be completely astounded by her confession. In normal circumstances she'd feel unstable and delicate at exposing herself like this. Instead she's bubbling with happiness, she knows it's just going to take Killian some time to react. It took her long enough to say it.

He starts blinking, apparently no longer trusting his eyes, mouth opening and closing in shock. She giggles and it seems to break the spell. He shakes himself but continues to gaze at her in silence.

He has to shake himself again before he finally replies.

“Forgive me, Emma, it's taking me an embarrassingly long time to process all of this. I'm sure I must be dreaming because you're here, in that dress and saying what I've wanted to hear for months now. If you kiss me now, I'll know this is simply a dream.”

She presses her lips against his softly, then moves her lips to his ear. “Sorry, Killian, you're wide awake,” she whispers, biting down hard on his ear lobe.

He turns his head and pounces on her lips, kissing them both breathless. He nuzzles her nose, still needing to be close to her.

Finally he pulls back and looks deep into her eyes. “Emma Swan, I love you so much,” he giggles and she peppers his cheeks with kisses, “I love you. I can't believe I get to say that. I -”

She cuts him off with another kiss to his lips. They wrap their arms around each other, unwilling to allow even an inch of space between them.

_2017 can be your best year ever, if you are just willing to let it. It takes time to instill real change in your life, so make the most of these 12 months. Congratulations for taking on these challenges and becoming a better you!_


End file.
